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This month wasn’t a great month. I turned 40 and I threw a birthday party for myself. As I mentioned last month, I wasn’t looking forward to any of this. You would think that after 40 years I would know myself enough to know that I don’t like being the center of attention. But, no, I had to go and do it anyway, just to make myself feel like I was loved and special.
It wasn’t very fun for me. I don’t like being the center of things. I should not have thrown a party solely in my honor.
I sent out invitations, like the Get In The Mail type of invitation, not just a stupid Facebook invite. This was a big deal to me. I invited 52 people. Only 17 came to my party. Some people got back to me and had legitimate reasons for not being able to make it, but 25 people didn’t even bother to respond whatsoever. (And the invitation did say “Please RSVP”.) That hurt my feelings.
In a way, I can kind of understand though. As my mama friends have had their kids go off to school, our once constant playgroups and interactions have kind of gone by the wayside. We don’t see each other anymore. I still love all these people, and would have greatly appreciated them coming to my birthday party, but there has been a loss of community and friendship there over the years. It’s not what it was five years ago.
(Also, it could be the fact that my birthday party involved playing laser tag, and some people just might not be into laser tag.)
It’s time for me to move on, and I’m kind of struggling with that. This whole birthday party thing has kind of been a wake up call. Instead of me focusing on the 17 wonderful friends who came to my party, all I can think of is the ones who weren’t there. I don’t like that I’m doing that. I wish I was better than that.
My rating for this month is:
Along with that, I had a heck of a cold this month. I hardly ever get sick. I assume it was brought on by all the stress and anxiousness that my birthday party was giving me. It came right after my birthday. Left me with very little energy to do much of anything for almost a week, and lots and lots and lots and lots of snot.
Again, I’m not quite there yet, but I want to see this as being good for me. With the physical healing taking place, I’m working on moving to a place of emotional healing… a place where I can embrace the friendships and people that I have in my life, without feeling left behind by the ones that have run their course.
So, yeah, this month has been kind of a downer. We had a couple of nice days here in Minnesota, weather wise, at the end of February, but then it snowed again, and it’s like, “Seriously? Let’s just be done with winter already.”
During those nice days, I brought out the sidewalk chalk again. I like to write messages on the sidewalk outside our house to give people something to look at when they’re walking by.
I usually include a joke and a book of the week recommendation. Stuff like that to entertain the masses.
My daughter drew this picture of a minion. In one of the funniest misspellings since one of my kids wrote a note on their door that said: Don’t come in. I’m raping Christmas presents, my daughter writes:
She was trying to write “Funny Guy” but instead she wrote “Funny Gay”. Oh, kids.
So, that sidewalk chalk endeavor was nice, but then my birthday party and my cold came, and it has been all downhill ever since. Wonk wonk. I’m sounding like that Debbie Downer character from SNL.
But, I hope to learn from these situations. I hope to grow from them. And I hope to have a 4-5 star month next time!
Wish me luck,
P.S. The bangs are kind of growing on me. (Get it? Growing on me. Ha ha.)