Rich Ruminates On The Benefits Of Being Uncomfortable. Can Imperfect Systems Help Build Resilience And Confidence?

I’d say he’s comfortable.

Hey Penny,

I appreciate your last post — it gave me a bunch of food for thought. This is exactly the sort of conversation we used to have over email, so I’m happy to reply on the blog. For those just catching up, here are the first 2 installments of this conversation:

If I could sum up the main emotional thrust of my initial post, it’d be something like: “My family is in the middle of a huge, tumultuous transition right now that involves money, work, life, school — is this really the good life??”

My answer to my own question, in that post, was The Good Life Is Not About Perfect Comfort.

Your answer, if I read your post correctly, is basically: Screw that! Get out of the rat race, ditch that prison school for a place your kids can thrive, and don’t knock Craigslist.

Again, this really made me think, so thank you. I’m going to try to unpack my original thought a bit more, with updated thinking based on the past week or so.

ON RETIRING EARLIER VS. FINDING FLOW AT WORK

As I said, I understand the desire to retire as early as possible. The transition back to work in the US from overseas hasn’t been all high fives and pizza parties. So why don’t I try to retire earlier?

I won’t spend much time on the practical aspect of this, but the practical side is quite complicated. I’d need to shuffle accounts, reset priorities, move again, etc, etc. It’s all possible I’m sure, if we were really committed. Maybe I could retire at 50 instead of 55. Maybe. For 5 years of … what again?

The more important aspect of this is philosophical. As I’ve spelled out in several posts, especially my Philosophy Of Money and the Meaning of Life, personal growth and meeting my potential and the value of work are all real priorities for me.

Even though work has been a bit of a grind lately, I recently had some days that were fully engaging. There’s nothing quite like the feeling that I’m doing good work on interesting topics with other professional people I like and respect. There’s nothing quite like that feeling of FLOW: “the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity.” (Wikipedia)

What I’m getting at is that there’s a positive side to this, and sometimes the positive side only comes after a period of difficulty. I don’t want my career to be difficult all the time, but I also realize that very few things in life are achieved or enjoyed without effort. If we didn’t persevere through the difficulty, we wouldn’t enjoy the personal and professional gains on the other side. For me, the positive aspects of my career have far outweighed the negative.

Mrs. Rich and I want to meet our potential at work as much as possible. It stretches us, makes us grow, opens up new doors of opportunity. We have lived in different places around the country and around the world, and that scratches a special itch for us. We also live the lifestyle we want to live, and we feel lucky to be so lucky. Does that make sense?

ON SPENDING TIME WITH KIDS

One thing you mentioned that I don’t really understand: “And it seems to make more sense to me to Retire Earlier (if that’s what you’re planning on doing anyway) so you can watch your kids grow up ….”

Am I giving the impression that, as a busy professional, I don’t have much time with the kids to watch them grow up?

I can assure you, that’s not the case at all for me and Mrs. Rich. We chose to live close to school so we can walk them to and from every day, and we chose to live close to work so we can be with them rather than sitting in the car commuting. Mrs. R is a Kindergarten room parent, and I’m the soccer coach. There really aren’t many more hours in the day that we could spend with the kids even if we were retired right now.

Of course, we could be with them all day if we were homeschooling or something, which leads me to the education part of your note.

EDUCATION AND ADJUSTING TO UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATIONS

I don’t disagree with much of what you said about education. I’d probably prefer the Finnish way of doing things, or Montessori, or the little preschool we used to send our kids to.

That said, I’m not all doom and gloom about our local public school. It’s not much different from the schools I went to growing up. We were expected to sit down and we had homework and all that. I turned out ok, right?

Ha, don’t answer that.

I like your point about thriving: So, I don’t know, you say you’re boys are struggling in school, but, yeah, they’ll just have to adjust. Don’t you want something better than that? Don’t you want them to thrive?

I was open about the fact that my first, emotional, transitional reaction was to pull the kids right out of the new school and put them somewhere they’d be more comfortable. That’s a natural response for many parents. I also give a nod to the stages of development you highlighted in your post — I don’t feel as strongly as you do, but I see your points.

However, I also wonder, could there be some downside to pulling them out of uncomfortable situations? Conversely, is there some upside to giving them time to adjust to a different way of doing things?

Continue reading “Rich Ruminates On The Benefits Of Being Uncomfortable. Can Imperfect Systems Help Build Resilience And Confidence?”

Penny Explains Her Philosophy On Education. Why Do Little Kids Spend 5 Days A Week In School Prisons Anyway?

Dear Rich,

I’m going to write a bit about my educational philosophy, but first I wanted to address a couple of things from your last post.

You talked a bit about how you can kind of understand why people strive for FIRE. And you set yourself apart from them because you like spending the money that you have, you like being a busy professional, etc. But here’s the thing I don’t understand: You are setting yourself up for Financial Independence and Retiring Early, you’re just doing it a little later than everyone else. Retiring at 55 (which you said you plan to do) is still retiring early.

And it seems to make more sense to me to Retire Earlier (if that’s what you’re planning on doing anyway) so you can watch your kids grow up, rather than later, when you’re using your (still) early retirement to have more time to drink mai tais on the beach. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that, to each their own, I’m just stating my opinion.) So, I’m with those FIRE people. They seem to have something figured out.

Now, let’s talk about education. You know I have strong feels about this, and I can understand why your boys are struggling, because schools are really no place for young children, especially young boys. They need to be outside moving their bodies, having adventures, exploring the world.

Here’s my primer into what I feel about the best form of education for certain age groups.

Birth – Age 9

I think that kids at this age should not be in school and should be allowed to explore and learn from the world as they are so inclined. I think they should spend a lot of time outdoors. A lot of time being physical. A lot of time finding and developing and pursuing their own interests. Some people call this Unschooling.

If you think about how babies learn and develop, how they learn to talk, and walk and do things without any formal instruction… you can carry this mentality for older kids too. Kids are always learning, even without formal instruction. My kids even learned to read pretty much on their own, in their own time, without any formal instruction.

This quote by John Taylor Gatto:

“It was never factually true that young people learn to read or do arithmetic primarily by being taught these things. These things are learned, but not really taught at all. Over-teaching interferes with learning, although the few who survive it may well come to imagine it was by an act of teaching.”

Age 9-14

At this age, with my kids, their minds were ready to learn more than I (and the world) were offering them. Fortunately for us, we found a 3 day a week Montessori Homeschool Academy. It was the perfect balance into a more formalized education with the kids going to a place that offered them the resources to learn more. Plus, Montessori doesn’t do homework or tests, so their philosophy matched up pretty well with how I wanted my kids to be educated anyway. Montessori is about teaching the child, not the curriculum. In addition, I like that it is only 3 days a week. That’s enough. Who says a 5 day school week is the ideal anyway? Why is that the norm? Family time should still be a bigger part of the child’s life than school.

I like what G.K. Chesterton has to say about schooling:

“There is a tendency to forget that the school is only a preparation for the home, and not the home a mere jumping off place for the school.”

This summer, my 11 year old was talking to his neighborhood friends, and they were asking him when his prison (by which they meant school) started. He said, “I don’t go to prison. I go to a nice little Montessori school.”

So, my kids like their school. They choose to go, I don’t force them. (I talked about this a bit already in my Paying for College Is Helicopter Parenting post, and I included a good discussion with my son about what he thinks about school and what he wants to get out of it.

Age 14-18

High school. We are still figuring this out. My oldest just started this year.

We picked a private high school that we thought was in line with our educational beliefs. At an open house, when asked about homework, the founder of the school, said, “We have your kids 7 hours a day. That’s enough.” And went on to say that they got around 30-45 minutes a night.

Well, cut to the parent orientation, and we see in our materials to expect 1-2 hours of homework a night. Not exactly what we signed up for.

Plus, it takes my daughter an hour to get to and from school on the city bus, so this full-time school thing is ending up taking a lot more of her time than we had planned for.

But maybe this is the next stage of development for a 14 year old. In his book Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers, Gordon Neufeld talks about how during the teenage years, it is developmentally appropriate for kids to become more peer-oriented. (But until then, parents should be the primary influence, and it is often the other way around, especially with the way schools are structured.) So, I don’t know. She’s going to graduate in four years and maybe this is the beginning of her structuring her life differently. We’ll see how it goes. If it’s not working out for us, we’ll try something else.

Continue reading “Penny Explains Her Philosophy On Education. Why Do Little Kids Spend 5 Days A Week In School Prisons Anyway?”

Rich Examines Moving Expenses, Minimalism vs. Serial Killers, His Cat’s Shopping Habits, Modern Living, and The FIRE Desire

Dear Penny,

I thought it’d be interesting to compare our actual moving expenses with our estimated moving expenses. And I believe this will lead into a rant about modern living, early retirement, and education. We’ll see.

Let’s take a peak out the window of our new situation.

Is this home?

Before we moved, I estimated $30,000 in expenses. The big expense was our car, because now we need 2 cars as modern dual income working professionals. We also needed a bunch of furniture because all we owned was a couch, a bed, and an old dresser.

Well, the numbers are in — gaze upon them and be astounded:

Click on image to enlarge.

I’m not sure what’s astounding about this, I just wanted a dramatic transition.

Mrs. Rich told me my estimates were too low, and she was right. That said, I was expecting it to be worse. Every time we leave the house we spend a few hundred dollars on something. I’m not complaining at all — we knew we’d spend a lot getting a car and getting our apartment set up. $6,000 isn’t nothing, but I’m not going to lose sleep over it. I decided long ago I don’t want to lose sleep over money. 

Here are some observations about minimalism vs. frugality, modern professional living, and FIRE (financial independence / early retirement).

MINIMALISM VS. FRUGALITY

The personal finance blogosphere has already noted this apparent paradox, that minimalism (desiring fewer possessions) is often at odds with frugality (desiring inexpensive possessions). I think we’re a good example of this.

I was telling someone about the furniture we needed, and they commented, “You could find a lot of that on Craigslist.” I can’t remember what I said, but I was thinking, “Do people still buy second-hand merchandise from would be serial killers?”

But seriously, the Rich family doesn’t use Craigslist. Mrs. Rich and I agree that we don’t really want a cheap find; we want a quality piece of furniture that we enjoy and would like to keep. That’s minimalism vs. frugality. So when you look at the line items like Rug, Dressers, End Tables — that’s what you’re seeing.

Even the cat is getting into the act, showing an interest in Crate And Barrel!

Do not give this animal a credit card.

MODERN PROFESSIONAL LIVING

I would describe us as modern professionals. We’ve got the dual careers, the dual cars, the school activities, and the Vitamix. This is what we want. But in the midst of this tumultuous transition, I need to say something: I understand.

I understand the desire for simplicity — something you, Penny, have expressed over and over in one way or another. My life right now isn’t difficult, but it isn’t simple either. And this is mostly by choice, and the consequence of a life where one moves around.

We’re busy, juggling school related activities and work related activities. On top of it all, I volunteered to coach Kindergarten soccer. What was I thinking? Yet another activity.

Most of our stuff is still on a boat, so we’re eating take out on paper plates. At night we’re exhausted. It won’t last forever, but it’s been quite week. Or two.

I understand your mixed feelings about education in America. We went from a small cozy international preschool to a huge chaotic urban elementary school. Our boys, so far, don’t like it very much. All the rules, regulations, and impersonal interactions … I understand why you can’t stand it. Part of me wanted to pull them out after the second day, drop everything, and move to Finland.

THE FIRE DESIRE

I understand why people strive for FIRE — Financial Independence and Early Retirement.

Continue reading “Rich Examines Moving Expenses, Minimalism vs. Serial Killers, His Cat’s Shopping Habits, Modern Living, and The FIRE Desire”

Monthly Money Check: Rich Increased Net Worth By $200K in 2 Years And Bought A Car Online — August 2017

We bought this car online. It’s Mrs. Rich’s Mini Countryman, AWD. It’s cool.

Dear Penny,

First of all, you’re having another baby — congrats! We do have a lot to catch up on, obviously! But I will never catch you in terms of babies. We got the buy-one-get-one-free deal with twins and that’s plenty for us.

I have some stories to tell you about flying across the country with 2 crazy boys and a cat. And buying a car online. And a thousand different moving expenses. These will need to wait as I get back in the blogging groove. I should be able to start writing more again now that we’ve moved.

It’s time for the monthly money check.

AUGUST

Overall, I’m happy with August. A net worth gain of $19,530 in a month is nothing to sneeze at. We are currently ahead of the pace (to reach my goal of $1MM at age 45) by $26,735.

August was a good month mostly because we got paid 3 times. And we had a nice vacation at the beach. September will be interesting, and expensive, because of moving expenses, which I will detail soon. But I’ve got a nice buffer to work with.

Here are some highlights by category.

Cash: $15,832, decrease of $6,384

  • We bought a car! Online. Through Carvana. It was so easy. I’ll never go to a lot again.
  • The car purchase is net worth neutral because I’ll be adding back the car value under investments.

Debt: -$9,400, paid off $200

  • Nothing to see here. I’m waiting until we get settled in the US to decide whether to aggressively pay this or roll it to another 0% offer.

Investments: $230,919, increase of $16,815

  • As mentioned, the only real change here is the value of our new (used) car. We’re drawing down some alternative investments simply because they aren’t very tax efficient. The LLC value isn’t updated monthly.

Retirement: $419,354, increase of $8,899

NET WORTH CHECK

Here’s a chart showing my progress for the full 2 years we lived overseas. The blue line shows actual results, while the red line shows the pace required to meet my goal.

Click on image to enlarge.

I like that.

In 2 years, we were able to increase our family net worth by 44%, more than $200,000. This without a strict budget or a high allocation in stocks.

I have no idea how the next year will go. Back in the US, we have a huge rent expense (around $48,000 per year). However, we won’t be paying for preschool (which was $30,000 per year), so I’m optimistic we can at least maintain the pace for my goal.

More soon!

Rich

 

Monthly Money Check: Penny Punched By Back To School Expenses — August 2017

Dear Rich,

Looks like this summer has been keeping both of us pretty busy, huh? Neither of us has written very much. You, because you’re busy vacationing and getting settled back in the states. Me, because life is just busy, man, and I’ve been avoiding technology. But, now that September is here, I’m back to using technology a bit more again, and have been busy catching up on Norm MacDonald video podcasts on YouTube.

Also, I’m pregnant. Surprise! We’re expecting child number five sometime in the spring.

Now, let’s talk about my monthly spending.

This month was a bit of a doozy for us. A bunch of school-related expenses to deal with: tuition, a city bus pass, school supplies, all that fun stuff.

Here’s what it looks like:

And, here this is coming off a month where we set a record low in spending for the year. Oh, well. Our donations are a bit down just because we forgot to donate. We’ll probably make up for that later. Our mortgage payment went down from $843 to $747 because our insurance changed on that a bit.

I guess that’s about it.

Later,

Penny